Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Review of Analog Cigarettes

I've been writing reviews for many e-cigs and e-liquids, so I wanted to do a fair review of these analog cigarettes I keep hearing about.

The first place I went to was my local e-cig store to try and find out more about them, since I knew almost nothing. Usually, they were very nice but they acted someone hostile when I was asking them about cigarettes, which seemed strange. They said that I could find them at any gas station.

So, I drove to the first gas station I saw where they had a whole shelf of different brands. It looked really promising.

I asked them if they had an apricot or a key lime, and they guy gave me a strange look and his reply was shocking. He said they only had regular, light, or menthol. Um, okay. Full flavor would probably be too much for a new smoker, and not a lot of people were huge fans on menthol, so I settled on light for about $8.

After I got home, I was so excited I decided to try it right then. The packaging was somewhat nice, and when opening the box saw 20. That evened out to forty cents each... seemed like kind of a lot for such a little cigarette.

So I sat down in my living room in front of my T.V. and decided to smoke; but there was no way of starting it, so I went to ask my roommate who was a smoker. She gave me somewhat of a condescending look then told me I had to light it.

I looked around for a bit and found some matches in my kitchen. I struck the match and held it up to the end of the cigarette like I was told. My roommate, who was in the kitchen, told me I also had to inhale, but I could not smoke that inside. That was strange, I always vape inside and she had never said anything. Nevertheless, I headed outside and attempted to "light" my cigarette.

On my way outside, I felt it break in my hand. What? How did it break so easily, I had been barely holding it? Lighting it at this point was impossible, so I threw it in the trash can and got another one.

When I finally managed to get outside and light it, the first drag made me immediately cough. The throat hit was decent, but it did not agree with my lungs at all. There also seemed to be no way to adjust how much smoke you were getting, so I started taking slower drags which made it hurt less, but the pain and the occasional coughing was still there.

It had a strong flavor, but it was terrible. It was almost as if I was licking wood-chips. It also seemed to be leaving a disgusting grime in my mouth, like dirt.

Needless to say, so far my impression with cigarettes had not been great. They were expensive, had limited flavors, tasted terrible, left grime in my mouth, were harsh and had no way of adjusting the voltage or strength.

After a few drags, it seemed that ash was building up on the end of my cigarette. I didn't know what to do, so I wiped it off on my jeans - bad move. It burned a hole right through my pants and the lit part of my cigarette fell on the ground. Who would design something like this? It seemed like you would constantly have to worry about disposing of ash and not burning yourself

When I was done, I wiped the "cherry" in the dirt, attempting not to burn anything before I threw it in the trash can. By the time I got inside, I noticed - ugh - what was that smell? The smell of the burning wood-chips was still there. I tried walking around and it didn't get any better. I sniffed my hands and it almost made me vomit. I decided to get a Fresca, which didn't help at all. In fact, it seemed I could barely taste it.

I tried a few more, but it was the exact same every single time. I figured I must be doing something wrong, so I went online and tried to find out more. What I found was SHOCKING.

Pretty gross, I know, but trust me - there is
MUCH worse
I was doing everything right, but not only did cigarettes taste and smell horrible, but they also cause severe medical issues such as cancer, high blood pressure, stroke... the list goes on. And this wasn't just conspiracy, these were studies done by legitimate research institutions and they were still legal in the United States!

After finding all this out, I didn't even want to try the rest of the pack. I gave it away to my roommate  pulled out my e-cig and started vaping key lime pie. It made a world of difference, easy to drag, felt nice, and got rid of that disgusting smell.

I normally don't flat out say not to ever buy a certain product because I know tastes very, and I never actually rate the products I review. However, If I did rate, I would give analog cigarettes a 0/10 and never in my life recommend anyone every try them. If you are already a smoker, just switch to e-cigs. They are cheaper, taste better, and aren't going to give you cancer. If this review just stopped one person from smoking a single cigarette, it'd have been worth it.